Nymphetamine
by wolef
Summary: [songficoneshot] Standing before the grave, Roy remembers


**Title**: Nymphetamine

**Author**: Kodoku no Ookami

**Summary:** RoyEd (songfic/oneshot) Standing before the grave, Roy remembers

**Disclaimer**: I do not own Fullmetal Alchemist or the song Nymphetamine.

**Warnings**: Most likely Yaoi. Just warning you ppl. And it's really confusing. Everything except the one in Roy's POV in the rain is a flashback, so **be wary of the tenses.**

****

* * *

**_Laid to the river_**

**_Midsummer I waved_**

**_  
_**

Edward Elric was always a bright prodigy, always full of energy, but inside secretly harboring a monster of guilt of his past mistake. His shining golden eyes so skillfully hid the one screaming in shame and his smile was the essence of his mask.

But Roy Mustang knew.

He knew the day Ed first ran to him, broken and wrecked, with a desperate untold cry of help. He remembered the times Ed would scream at him, letting out the frustration he had bottled up for so long.

**_A 'V' of black swans_**

_**On with hope to the grave**_

___"Ed. Calm down. Let me help you."_

___"No!" the alchemist snapped, backing into a corner of the office with his hands covering his face, "No! I'll do this myself. I don't need your help. It's my fault Al's like this. My fault. MY FAULT."_

___"He's been in that suit of armor for seven years and you still haven't found a way to bring his body back." Roy said impatiently, walking over to the Ed. He gently took the boy's hands out of his face and kneeled down to meet the angry eyes. Ed growled and wrenched his hands away._

___"Ed!"_

___The young alchemist forcefully pushed Roy's face away with his artificial arm and curled up in a ball, rocking back and forth, crying and sobbing. "Don't look at me! There's nothing worth looking at. My sins are painted on my face. Just go away. Don't look at me. Don't—don't look!"_

_****____**All through Red September  
**_

_****____**With skies fire paved**_

_____Roy said nothing as he watched Ed break down right in front of him, his small body shaking and shivering with sobs. The General cautiously patted his subordinate on the back, trying to lessen the crying._

_____"There is nothing worth looking at the back of your head," he said sternly, "but there is also nothing worth looking at on your face unless you have something to show. Get up Edward. Sitting here crying isn't going to undo what you did."_

_____"No… no…go away. Just… just go away. Don't look at me. Leave me alone!" Ed snarled, pulling sharply away from the other's touch._

_____Roy clicked his tongue impatiently._

_____"I will look at you. And you will let me even if I have to order it." he said without a hint of sympathy and stood up. "Stop moping around and feeling sorry for yourself. You have work to do, do you not? The sooner you get back to work, the quicker you can help your brother."_

_____Ed sniffed and wiped his eyes with the sleeve of his worn jacket. "You're right." he whispered wearily._

_____Roy nodded and quietly helped pull Ed to his feet. "I expect you in my office first thing tomorrow morning." he ordered, patting the boy on the head and earning himself a glare. "I'll try to persuade the Fuhrer to give you access to the more secure parts of the library."_

_____"Thank you, sir." Bangs shadowing his eyes, Ed dragged his feet to the door. "Good night." And he left, closing the door behind him with a click._

_****____**I begged you appear**_

_****__****__Like a thorn for the holy ones_

Lightening strikes the sky with a blinding flash. Roy stands there in the rain, water running through his hair and sliding down his cold face in little streams. His clothes are already soaked through, but he doesn't care.

Thunder booms with a loud crack as he fingers the dying rose with his gloved hands. Rain that fell from his hair drips onto the withered petals, landing like morning dewdrops.

_****__****__Cold was my soul_

_****__****__Untold was the pain_

_****____**I faced when you left me**_

_****__****__A rose in the rain_

_____"…What's this?" were the first words that came out of Roy's mouth when the flower was shoved under his nose._

_____"It's a black rose." Ed said as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. He grinned and put his scratched the back of his head sheepishly. "A real one. Took me forever to find one."_

_____"Thanks. But Valentine's Day is still a couple months away."_

_____"Wha! I don't mean it THAT way. You bastard, it's supposed to be a damn gift." he sputtered, his golden eyes flashing with anger._

___No._

_____Those eyes were gold no longer. They were long ago scratched dull from pouring book after book and long hours lost of sleep. They were scarred by the knowledge that all he ever found was still nothing._

_____"And you're giving this to me… because?" Roy asked, raising an eyebrow. Ed rolled his eyes and shook the rose gently._

_____"Just take it. Think of it as… a parting gift." he said._

_****____****__So I swore to the razor_

_****______**That, never enchained**_

_****_

_"What do you mean…a parting gift?"_

_****______********__Would your dark nails of faith_

_****______****__**Be pushed through my veins again**_

_****___

A black rose. Rarest of its kind and the most exquisite of all flowers, dyed in the color of the velvet night. Truly a remarkable gift, as it is said to be birthed in Hell and bloom only when the fires of the underworld blazed high into the sky.

A black rose. Symbol of darkness, symbol of life.

Symbol of fate.

_________"I'm leaving tomorrow." Ed said, casting his eyes to the carpet floor. "And I…wanted to repay all that we owe you. You know, get it over with now."_

_________"Mm. Seems like your taking up some responsibility after all." Roy said, curiously examining the rose he had accepted. "And you think a _flower_ can repay all you owe me. For all I know, you could've just dyed a cheap white rose."_

_________"It took me forever to find that you know!" the young alchemist huffed, shaking his bangs out of his eyes, "And I certainly didn't dye a rose black. My policy is equivalent trade and I don't cheat."_

_________"Ha."_

_________"Whatever, if you don't think it's enough, just speak to Al." he said, casually glancing at the watch on his wrist. "I have to go. The train leaves in half an hour." Ed spun around and made his way out of the office, "Take care of Al for me."_

_________"Al isn't coming with you?"_

_________With his hand on the handle, Ed looked to Roy with a small smile, "No… Al isn't coming. My mission requires him not to__come."_

_****______****__**Bared on your tomb**_

_****______********__I'm a prayer for your loneliness_

_****_____

Yes, Roy had always been there for Ed to vent his problems on. Whether the Fullmetal Alchemist knew or not, Roy had always been watching him from the shadows.

Roy knew his every move, his every word until he could easily predict what Ed would do. He had been the one who kept Ed in reality. He directed the boy onto the right path. He shared the pain Ed went through every night.

However observant he was, he never saw it coming,

_****______********__****__And would you ever so soon_

_****______********__****__Come above unto me?_

_****______****_

___"Riza. Can you inform me of the whereabouts or Al Elric?" Roy said as he passed her office, a newspaper in one hand and a cup of coffee in the other. Riza Hawkeye gave him a strange look._

___"Alphonse left with his brother three days ago, sir." she told him, "You know they always go together on missions."_

___"Ed told me Al wasn't going with him on this one." Roy said, taking a large swig of his coffee. "Hm… he must've changed his mind at the last second."_

___"Roy! Come, look at my pictures of Elicia. Isn't she so cute? She can walk and eat on her own now; she's growing up so fast!" Hughes announced, cooing at the pictures in his hand as he came into the room. "Here, wanna see?"_

___"Not now, Hughes." Roy yawned, "I'm trying to undo the fact bored into my head that Al went with Ed to their mission so I won't freak when I can't find him."_

___"Oh, that's right." Hughes said, thoughtfully tapping his chin, "Yes, Ed was telling me the other day that he's finally found a way to get Al's body back. But he wasn't excited, and that's what bothered me. He asked me to take care of Al when he comes back."_

___"What? He can't take care of his little brother now or something— wait."_

___The rose, the repayment and a postponed debt, and the asking of care for his brother. Ed wouldn't—Ed couldn't—_

___The coffee mug fell onto the floor and shattered and the hot liquid inside soaked into the carpet floor. Pages of the newspaper flew out of his loose grasps and fell into the coffee that was spilled, drowning and smudging the words._

___"General-"_

___"Which city did they say they were going to?" Roy frantically demanded to Riza and Hughes, not noticing the mess he made, "Where did they go! Answer me!"_

___"Roy. Calm down." Hughes blinked, holding up his hands cautiously, "…They didn't say actually."_

___"SHIT!"_

___With speed he never knew he possessed, Roy was soon at the apartment Ed and Al stayed at whenever they came back to Central. Not pausing to catch a breath, he was in Ed's room, papers flying behind him before he knew it._

_****______********____**For once upon a time**_

_****______********____**From the binds of your loneliness  
**_

_****______********__****__I could always find The right slot for your sacred key_

_****______********__****__  
_

Ed had thought that he had found a way to atone for his sin. If only he knew, if only he knew. The nightmare he would create, the soul he could not call, the brother he nearly lost because of his damn foolishness.

He would look into the mirror in their shabby apartment and see the face of the one with the careless mistake scarred into the peeling skin, burning with shame, covered in evident fault.

Disgusting.

_****______********__****__Six feet deep is the incision_

_****______********____**In my heart, that barless prison**_

_****______********__****__Discolors all with tunnel vision_

Al had always wondered why every new mirror he bought was always shattered clean the next day. And so he stopped buying them, for it wasted money.

"You found a way to get my body back?" Al had asked excitedly when Ed told him the news. "Ni-san, I always knew you would find it. Now we can fix us back to the way we were before!"

Ed knew Al had given up faith years before.

Every time he looked at Al, an overwhelming feeling of guilt would tug at his gut, reminding him that it was his fault that Al could not touch, he could not cry. The qualities of living had been snatched away from his brother the day Ed had tried to revive his mother.

The day of his mistake. The day God had punished him.

_****______********__****____**Sunsetter**_

_****______********__****____**Nymphetamine**_

How clever, how _stupid_

To call himself a guardian, Roy would be readily ashamed. He still curses himself for not figuring out Ed's ploy from the moment they left Central. To not expect this obvious fact that was waved in front of his face like a multicolored flag.

It had taken him the entire day, throwing paper after paper behind him and leaving them fluttering in the air, to finally find the location the Elric brothers had left to. Along with a map were notes, both photocopied from books and written in Ed's handwriting.

A voice cannot reach the other side. The gates must be opened to receive the object in return. In equivalent exchange, this cannot be done unless the key is presented to unlock the gates.

Beneath that was written in Ed's messy handwriting: Life is a key.

And no sooner than that was Roy, along with a few colorful curses, on the train to the city called Morthina, the city where the location of the gates could be called upon.

_****______********__****____********__Sick and weak from my condition_

_****______********__****____****__**This lust, this vampyric addiction**_

_****______********__****____****__**To her alone in full submission**_

_****______********__****____****__**None other**_

_****______********__****____****__**Nymphetamine**_

_****______********__****_

The rain is still falling.

Roy shivers in the cold and pulls his coat closer to his body in a useless attempt to find warmth. He kneels down to the muddy ground, never breaking the gaze cast at the grave set in front of him.

By now the winds pick up and howl relentlessly in the tempest, whipping off beads of water onto the flooded grass.

And as the storm picks up and worsens, Roy remembers. He remembers the way Ed would attack him viciously, yell at him just as the rainstorm is doing to him now, And just as he is doing now, Roy would just merely stand there and take it all in.

_****______********__****____********__Nymphetamine, Nymphetamine_

_****______********__****____****__**Nymphetamine Girl**_

_****______********__****_

Edward had always told him that he could never bear to look at himself. Roy would agree with him, and was usually rewarded with a smack to the head and a "You're supposed to be trying to make me feel better!"

And so Roy would smirk. And Ed would fume.

But sometimes he took Ed seriously. And it usually ended up with the younger one positively crying his eyes out and the General gently soothing the poor soul.

_****______********__****____****__****__**Nymphetamine, Nymphetamine**_

_****______********__****____****__****__**My Nymphetamine girl**_

_****______********__****___

___________________"…Eh?" went a bemused Ed when the General came to him with a professionally wrapped present, complete with a frilly pink bow. "What the… you didn't have to… how did you?"_

___________________"Happy birthday, Edward." Roy simply said, holding the present out to him, "I hear that when it's someone's birthday, the birthday boy does not stand there gaping at his present like he doesn't know what it is."_

___________________"How did you?"_

___________________"Don't you know already?" Roy said with a mysterious smirk, "You said it yourself some time ago: I know everything you do, Fullmetal."_

___________________"I certainly hope you don't know –everything- I do." Taking the gift with a scowl, Ed neatly untied the bow, which Roy put on his head, repaid with a glare, and carefully peeled away the shiny wrapping paper._

___________________"You gave me… what did you give me?" He demanded, holding up a rectangle shape piece of thin wood. "Thanks, but I think I can get these in any old drugstore."_

___________________"You missed something."_

___________________A similar rectangular shape of a mirror was found on the bottom of the gift. Ed blinked, holding it out to his commander. "And what am I going to do with a mirror?" he asked, vaguely wondering if Roy was making fun of him._

___________________"Don't break this one." Roy warned, carefully taking the mirror and the rectangular wood. "See, this—" he held out the wood, "—is a frame for the mirror." He gestured to the mirror and put them together. "When you finally are able to look in a mirror without breaking it, then you can glue these two together and use it to see your pretty face."_

___________________"What are you giv-"_

___________________"But for now." Roy continued as if he hadn't heard a word. He held up the empty wooden frame, "You can look into this. So you can't see yourself."_

___________________Ed stared long and hard at the present the General had got him for a while. He flashed the mirror so that his tarnished eyes flickered in and out._

___________________"That day won't come," he finally said, placing the two pieces back into the box, "I couldn't make my mother right, I nearly lost my brother, I couldn't do anything to help Nina, and Scar almost killed me and I nearly left Al because of that. What makes you so sure that I will be able to look at my face again?"_

___________________Roy gently grasped the younger's chin to turn his face so that the scarred eyes were reflected in his own dark ones._

___________________"Because –I- can look at you without flinching. Except for your eyes. If you push yourself too hard, they'll soon become that way forever. You're excused for your birthday today. Get some sleep, Edward."_

___________________"But-"_

___________________"That's an order."_

_****______********__****____****__****__****__**Wracked with your charm**_

_****______********__****____****__****__********__I am circled like prey_

What had happened to those times before? Nine long years of guilt weighing down like a heavy burden he had to lug around, Ed had finally cracked in the seventh. Momentary breakdowns and periods of insanity repeatedly occurred every week, until a worried Al had sent his brother to a Roy, who could do little to help the young alchemist.

The trees cast moving shadows onto the trembling grass as the evening falls heavier upon the dead horizon. And the rain continues to fall.

It was raining on that day, too.

_****______********__****____****__****__********__****__Back in the forest_

_****______********__****____****__****__********____**Where whispers persuade**_

_****______********__****____****__****__****_

Looming shadows had hung over them like a plague. The overgrown stone arches had seemed leer at them; laugh at them as the two of them had finally finished sketching their alchemy circle.

Al cast a worried glance over the crumbling floor, eyeing the snarling red ivy that grew from the cracks with deep distrust. This place his brother had led him to was supposedly to be an ancient temple used by alchemists from long ago.

But he couldn't help but feel a sinister, dark aura radiating from the very pebbles that were scattered all over the marble floor.

Terrifying.

"Ni-san… are you sure this is right?" he asked, hesitantly, not wanting to break the muttering Ed from his concentration. "It doesn't feel right. It feels like something bad is going to happen..."

"No. No, Al." Ed hissed back, double-checking the circle for minor details, "This is it. We'll have to give it one shot. Just one to see if it works."

"But what if it takes more than our bodies this time?" cried the boy, "Do you know what will happen if something goes wrong? Even last time, when you looked over all your equations, your math, it still went wrong!"

A heavy silence hung like a smothering smoke. Al did not feel any guilt yelling that at his brother in the caution he was trying to point out. But he was not heartless enough not to put a hand on Ed's shoulder.

"Ed-"

"It won't go wrong this time. Not this time." Ed had simply stated with a determined look in his discolored eyes. "I won't let it."

_********__More sugar trails_

_****______********__****____****__****__********____**More white lady laid**_

_****______********__****____****__****__********____**Than pillars of salt  
**_

_****______********__****____****__****__********____**(Keeping Sodom at night at bay)**_

_****______********__****____****__****__****_

Drip.

Drip.

Drip.

Splatter.

Roy impatiently drummed his fingers against the windowsill as he mentally begged the train to go faster. The rain splashed heavily upon the window like needles as he waited.

And waited.

A whistled screeched and the train came to a halt. He neatly gathered his belongings and folded all maps into his bag and hurriedly stepped off, giving a rushed apology to a girl he knocked over.

If only he had known where the Elric brothers would go in this ancient city, it would've saved him a considerable amount of time.

"Excuse me, miss." he called to a lady at the information desk. She looked up at him through her enormous glasses.

"How can I help you, sir?" she asked, typing something on her keyboard, while withholding her eyes on Roy. "If you're looked for a place to stay, we have plenty of suggestions-"

"No." he curtly replied, though not meaning to be rude, "Have you seen two bo-men, one is shorter with blond hair tied back in a braid and the other is walking around in a suit of armor."

"Forgive me sir," she said to him as if she had said this repeatedly throughout the entire day, "I do not keep track of people who arrive and who leaves. But if you're still looking for a place to stay, there's a nice hotel just-"

"Thank you, madam." Roy muttered through gritted teeth. He picked up his bag and walked swiftly away, off in search of another person who might have known where a short blond and a suit of armor could've gone to.

"No, sir. I'm sorry," answered a girl at another information desk, "I do not keep track of people who arrive at this station of leave to which city."

"How the hell would I know? Good day, sir." a man had snarled and quickly walked away, forcefully tugging his daughter away with him.

"I don't recall seeing anyone-"

"Are you sure you got the right city?"

"No sir. I do not keep track of those who arrive at this station or those who leave. But we have several sight-seeing sights you may be interested in-"

"No, no, NO!" Roy had wanted to scream at every person at the information desk who wanted to advertise a hotel, a hot spring, a graveyard, a—whatever! By now, he was soon getting anxious and sweat was already forming on his brow. Ed really was going to commence his intention at this rate.

_****______********__****____****__****__********__****__Fold to my arms  
_

_****______********__****____****__****__********__****__Hold their mesmeric way_

_****______********__****____****__****__****_

"Please, please." he had desperately questioned a guard, who was standing quietly outside the station, "Please tell me you've seen them. It's urgent. Very."

"Actually sir, I have." the guard had replied after a great deal of thought. "I remember seeing a blond kid with a walking suit of armor a couple days ago."

"Can you please tell me their destination?" Roy had asked, breathing a sigh of relief. "Their living quarter, what they went to eat—anything."

"That, sir, I can't tell you," said the guard, straightening up to shift his weight onto his other foot, "I did not talk to them—what's that?" he pointed a gloved finger to the sky.

Letting out a frustrated grunt, Roy spun around to look at whatever the guard was pointing at and then leave, but what he saw made his heart stop.

There. In the sky. Enormous crackling flickers of alchemic power was sizzling through the clouds, cutting through them like a jagged knife. Roy could only glance in awe until he realized that all the power was coming from one place.

The place where the gate was being called.

"Thank you sir goodbye!" he had called to the guard and ran as fast as his booted feet would allow him. The rain had thrashed against his face, but he didn't feel them. Only one thought was booming in his mind and it wasn't the thunder crashing in the skies above.

No, it was the thought of running to stop Ed.

_****______********__****____****__****__********__****__And dance out to the moon_

_****______********__****____****__****__********____**As we did those golden days**_

_****______********__****____****__****__****_

The energy sound was deafening.

Ed had stood in front of the circle, clapped his hands together, and said, "Well, Al. This is it." He then slammed his hands down onto the ground, Al following the suit.

And so they had concentrated their energies in the circle, calling upon the gates to appear.

A nonexistent wind had picked up in the hollow room, slowly stirring before gradually turning into hurricane-like winds, biting at them with blunt blades. The grit on the ground had swirled to join the storm, and the rocks had trembled as if afraid.

But they didn't stop.

They had continued on, with hope burning in their eyes, a tongue set between teeth in concentration, and brow furrowed in focus. Al felt a sudden surge of anxiety as he cast another worried glance to his brother.

"Ed, something's wrong. We should stop," he pleaded, fear written clearly in his eyes with bright ink. "I'm scared. Please Ed, stop."

"No." Ed hissed, grinning wickedly, "No, no, this will work. I promise. It will work. I will make it work." He coughed hoarsely, spitting out blood onto the floor.

"You're bleeding!"

_****______********__****____****__****__********__****__Christening stars_

_****______********__****____****__****__********____**I remember the way**_

_****______********__****____****__****__********____**We were needle and spoon**_

_****______********__****____****__****__********__****__Mislaid in the burning hay_

_****______********__****____****__****__****_

Surely that had happened before. How history repeats itself, is a mystery itself. A cruel, brutal mystery in which past mistakes occur once again. Mistakes that were still not yet learned.

_"Ni-san!" ten-year-old Al cried, the time of their first attempt at human transmutation, "Something's wrong. It doesn't feel right. We should stop this. Ni-san!"_

_"No." eleven-year-old Ed said, determinedly keeping the power going through to the circle, "We'll keep going."_

_Shaken with fear, Al merely gulped and continued alongside his brother, the strange feeling of unease still lurking in the back of his mind like a curse. He winced as glasses shattered above their heads and tapestries flew in the powerful wind they had created._

_Ed paid no attention to the many warnings happening all around him. A feeling of determination fluttered inside, tingling his gut. He was going to see his mother. It was really happening. He really was going to bring his mother back from the other side—_

_"NI-SAN!"_

_Turning with wide eyes, he saw his little brother being dragged into the gates itself with little unknown vine-like beings curling around his body like a snake. They sucked at the skin hungrily and pulled him down, kicking and screaming._

_"AL!"_

_He reached for his brother. Al screamed as he felt himself slowly disappearing. Ed fought to get up, only to find that his leg was being ripped from him at the same time with those snaky beings. He cried out, finally realizing the mistake he had made._

_"AAAAAAL!"_

_****______********__****____****__****__********__****__Bared on your tomb_

_****______********__****____****__****__********__****__I'm a prayer for your loneliness_

_****______********__****____****__****__********____**And would you ever so soon**_

_****______********__****____****__****__********____**Come above unto me?**_

Al was all he had left. He wasn't going to loose him again.

And so the winds howled and the pebbles scattered. Ivy leaves were ripped raw off their stalks and sailed dangerously in the artificial storm they had concocted. The arches crumbled and cracked, but did not fall.

Right before their very eyes, was a tear in their dimension. The rip grew wider and wider, brightening the room with its holy light. Ed squinted through the light, but did not turn away.

For the gates was nearing.

"Ed, you're bleeding." Al said, worriedly, "We should stop. Don't worry about me, we can always—ED! You're dying!"

His throat was raw from coughing up so much blood and mucus. He could feel his skin slowly solidify as warmth was swiftly stolen away. He spat out his stomach contents, but continued to carry on.

The heat of the their power was burning the palm of his hand, having already melted through the fabric of his glove. Ed could feel his auto-mail arm soon starting to dissolve also. His fingernails grinded away and the skin stretched, threatening to tear.

"No. Keep going Al.," he instructed, now with an insane glint in his dying eyes, "We'll get through this. Just keep going. We'll-" And then his strength failed him and Ed collapsed onto the marble floor.

"ED!"

"Keep… going…" he wheezed, struggling to stay on his knees, but all energy in his muscle was quickly fading. They were almost there. Almost at the gates.

_****______********__****____****__****__********__****__For once upon a time_

_****______********__****____****__****__********____**From the binds of your holiness**_

Al could not listen to his brother this time. He tore away from the circle and wrenched his brother onto his back. Ed growled as threw Al off him with a great amount strained energy, and continued to draw the gates closer.

"Al, come on!" He cried ecstatically, his tarnished eyes flashing wildly, "We're almost there. We're gonna get your body back! Just keep going. Just keep going…"

"Ed!"

The wind yelled in his ear, cutting off all communication to his brother. Ed looked up and saw the lock on the door. He lifted up a shaking arm that was already ready to drop back to the floor aching from lack of strength, to touch the anciently carved lock.

The gate was magnificent, emitting an eerie green glow that was glowing with "forbidden." It was made of a metal too cold to human touch and impossible to be carved from mortal tools. The gate was adorned with alchemy circles and carvings of the other side and Ed reached out, wanting to trace them with his injured fingers.

His muscles were already starting to rip and his skin was slowly peeling away at his fingertips as Ed reached closer and closer to the gate, struggling not to fail and fall.

"NI-SAN!"

There was someone calling him, somewhere in the distant. Ed tore his eyes off the gates to look at his left. His brother was screaming something he couldn't hear. The light was blazing in his eyes and soon, he couldn't see.

Soon, the world was nothing but white-hot light and the radiant whirling of the winds yelling in his ear. A strangled scream was ripped through his throat, but he couldn't hear it ring.

And once again, Ed felt the forthcoming of his past mistake.

_****______********__****____****__****__********__****__I could always find  
_

_****______********__****____****__****__********__****__The right slot for your sacred key_

_****______********__****____****__****__********__****__  
_

The rain continues to pour down as night falls swiftly like a hammer and renders the world into darkness and sweet slumber. But one person is still awake on this stormy night.

The fragile rose falls from his limp hands and the petals separate from the stem. Roy merely watches them land onto the grave in which the wind gently directs them on.

And the petals swirl. And the petals fall.

_****______********__****____****__****__********__****__Six feet deep is the incision_

_****______********__****____****__****__********____**In my heart, that barless prison**_

_****______********__****____****__****__********__****__Discolors all with tunnel vision_

The downpour was endless, it seemed. As if it hated the world with a sick passion, angrily trying to flood the land and whipping the people who walked the planet.

It also clogged up the streets with traffic jams, which was an annoying cause for delay, especially since Roy gave up cursing in the taxi and finally decided to run instead.

Mud covered and rain soaked, Roy Mustang wheezed and gasped for breath as he finally arrived at the place where the Elric brothers had to be.

It was gloomy building, the kind kids would dare one another to sneak in and catch a glimpse of rumored phantom. Weather-beatened gargoyles stood at either side of the door, mouths wide opened in a frozen snarl.

His footsteps seemed to echo as Roy ran up the crumbling stairs, each step seeming to drag him farther and farther away from his destination. The brilliant show of energy that lit up the night sky had ceased a while ago and he was worried that Ed had achieved what he intended to do.

God, the sight he saw haunted his nightmares for the rest of his life.

The interior of the temple was destroyed, shattered. Columns were no longer recognized to be more than thoroughly scratched rock that looked like it couldn't hold the ceiling up for much long.

Grit and slaughters of broken stone were indented in the floors and blood-red ivy leaves were scattered and ripped. And the room was deathly silent.

Too silent.

_****______********__****____****__****__********__****__Sunsetter_

_****______********__****____****__****__********__****__Nymphetamine_

_Please… please be there alive_ was the only thought crying in his mind. The temple was huge, but he could make out a dusty drawing of an enormous alchemy circle at the far end of the room.

___Be there alive, and I will vow on my behalf to help you find a different solution that does not involve self-sacrificing! Just be there alive…_

Roy got his wish. Just not his vow.

_****______********__****____****__****__********__****__Sick and weak from my condition,_

_****______********__****____****__****__********__****__This lust, this vampyric condition_

_****______********__****____****__****__****_

There was a time when he believed in miracles. That time was when Roy was a young and naïve boy who just wanted to play all day long in the fields. Sadly, those days were gone when his childhood faded away.

And as he frantically scanned the area, he called upon that principle, just hoping, wishing that Ed would be alive.

Of course, his long forgotten belief did not help him this time either.

"Ed!"

Roy ran to the fallen figure and turned the young alchemist onto his back. He quickly dusted dust from the dirty golden hair and smartly slapped his subordinate on the cheek.

"Edward, wake up. Come on, don't die on me. Ed, don't be dead. Please, wake up. Wake up!" he pleaded softly, tears quickly filling up his eyes.

Golden eyes fluttered opened as Ed quickly regained consciousness. He blinked for a few seconds as his blurry vision returned to normal.

"…Roy?" he whispered hoarsely. Roy silently nodded and looked around at the ruins in the empty room, glancing at every corner, questions building up in his mind.

"Where's Al?" the General asked after he couldn't find what he was looking for. Ed's eyes widened open as he struggled to sit up, but failing miserably as his strength hadn't returned.

"Al!" he cried, tears building up in his eyes, "Oh god, Roy. Al's…"

"Hush." Roy said firmly, patting the younger soothingly on the head, "What happened to your brother? He's alive… isn't he? You got his body back, didn't you?"

"Wha… no. No, no, Roy." Ed said, the tears overflowing and running down his cheeks, "He's… i-it's all my fault. I was wrong. I should've known. I should've known! DAMMIT." He buried his face into bottom of Roy's shirt, sobbing. "He's gone, Roy. He's gone…"

_****______********__****____****__****__********__****__To her alone in full submission_

_****______********__****____****__****__********__****__None better_

_****______********__****____****__****__********____**Nymphetamine**_

"Gone?" Roy repeated in disbelief, running his hand through the dusty hair, which was loose from its usual braid, "That can't be… gone where? Ed, where did Al go? Why isn't he coming back? What did you do?"

"God… I was wrong… I was wrong and now he's gone." sobbed the poor boy, "I was wrong, I can't do anything right. They… they didn't just take me, Roy. They took Al. So Al's gone… HE'S GONE-"

"Shush." Roy hissed, gently pulling Ed into his lap and holding him close, "Shh… Gone where?"

_****______********__****____****__****__********__****__Sunsetter_

"He's gone… through the gates. I couldn't save him."

_****______********__****____****__****__********__****__****__Nymphetamine_

And so it was silent, save for the pattering for the rain upon cold stone outside the temple and the sobbing of Ed echoing in the room. Roy said nothing for a while; he just continued to stroke the golden strands of hair, trying to give some comfort, and trying to let the news digest into his numb-stricken brain.

Soon, Ed started choking and then he spat out a mouthful of blood and pieces of an internal organ. He coughed and gagged, but continued to vomit out the bloodied contents.

"We need to get you to a hospital." Roy whispered, grimacing at the sight, "This is only going to get worse if we wait."

At this Ed gave a small chuckle, which turned into a cough.

"I've already given my life." he smiled gently, "It's too late, it's already taken all I need to live. My strength's gone and I can't move. I can already feel my blood starting to slow down and I'm not going to last much longer. I guess… this is repayment."

"No… that can't be…" Roy said fearfully, not wanting to believe. "Ed, you can't die. You just can't…"

"My pocket." the dying alchemist whispered, "My left one. In my jacket. There's something there; can you give it to me?"

Roy searched his hands in the shreds of the torn jacket on the floor, not particularly knowing whether he was digging in the right or left pocket or just a pile of ripped fabric.

His hands caught the smooth texture of wood and something like glass. He brought the item out to see that it was the birthday gift he had given to Ed a couple years ago.

"Yeah, that." Ed said when the General showed it to him. He reached up an aching hand to take the two pieces and gently looked at himself in the mirror portion. Ed glanced at it and laughed softly, turning the mirror way.

"I really am a selfish little bastard." he grinned cheekily, "Just looking in that makes me want to vomit."

"How so?"

"How so? _How so?_ Roy, I just sent my brother into the gates because of my stupidity. And you're asking why?"

_****______********__****____****__****__********__****__****__None better_

_****______********__****____****__****__********_

_White bones gleamed in the moonlight as the monster eyes laughed and cackled wickedly. It oozed blood from hidden veins and cadaverous internal organs swayed freely in the open air._

_"Ed… Ed…" sang the inhuman lips, "You couldn't make your mother right, you disgraceful son. How Mommy cries… you couldn't make her right…"_

_"No, no, no." wept the boy who was curled into a ball with his hands clapped over his ears, desperately not wanting to hear that cold-blooded voice, "That thing's not my mom. That thing's not my mom. THAT THING ISN'T MOM."_

_"You hear your mommy? She's crying. What a bad son you are, Ed. She's crying because you couldn't make her right. She's crying because of you."_

_"SHUT UP. TH-THAT THING ISN'T MOM!"_

_"Look, look. Al is crying too. He's not human anymore, Ed. He wishes he could cry, doesn't he? It was because of you… because of you… naughty Ed…You killed your brother."_

_"Al's not dead, Al's not dead, Al's not dead!" the little boy frantically chanted, shaking his head furiously as tears leaked madly out of his eyes. "Go away, GO AWAY-"_

Nightmares from long years before; Ed closed his wounded eyes as he remembered. "I really did kill him this time. Al… I killed him."

_****______********__****____****__****__********__****__****__Nymphetamine, Nymphetamine_

"Do you know… what it is like to have someone you love very much, to hate you?" Ed asked hoarsely, gazing at the far end of the room with a wistful look. Roy did not answer, but Ed continued, "Especially since it's your causing, it's like a burden you can't carry, but you try anyways and ignore it."

_"We're all we've got, Ed. WE'RE ALL WE'VE GOT!"_

"It builds up after a while." Roy added quietly, "Like how it did to a certain someone I know."

"And that certain person you know is dead."

"…You can say that."

_****______********__****____****__****__********__****____**Nymphetamine girl**_

And a short moment of silence built up after that, with Ed wanting to close his eyes and drift while Roy sat there, struggling to think of something to say. The words were jumbled in his mind and he forgot whether it was this he was going to say or that.

How strange.

It was very rarely a time that Roy was speechless. Except for the time when Hawkeye had trip him from using his flames in the rain, Roy usually had something to say, whether it was orders, a taunt, or just casual conversation. When he wanted to talk that is.

And so he settled for caressing the cold flesh of Ed's right hand, trying in vain to just bring some warmth to it and circulate the blood just a little…

"Say, Ed." he spoke up in amazement, holding up the hand and examining it curiously, "Wasn't this your automail arm?"

_****______********__****____****__****__********__****__****__Nymphetamine, Nymphetamine_

Ed stared at the hand that Roy held in disbelief. "Wha… wha…?" he started to say, but the words died on his dried lips. He licked them with his tongue and managed out, "That's impossible."

They didn't need to check to see if Ed's leg was flesh or not.

"You called upon the gates." Roy said slowly, trying to analyze the possibilities, "Al was taken-" Ed made a choking sound but remained silent, "—and you're going to be, too. You did get your bodies back…"

"Shut up." Ed snarled, causing Roy to drop his automail-free hand. "You talk like what I did was like a typo, that you can go back and fix it. I was all Al had left and he the same to me. Now I just threw his life away, and you just sit there, ever so calmly. I-"

His lungs collapsed together painfully and squeezed his bronchitis tightly. Ed gave a small cry as he struggled to keep breathing. Roy patted his hand sympathetically, knowing that he couldn't stop the inevitable.

Chest burning and coughs violently shaking his body, Ed gasped and wheezed desperately for breath. It was nearly unbearable… it felt like he could die any second now.

"Do you know…" Roy said when Ed had calmed down to drawing deep breathes of air, "that it might've been a good thing sending Al to his death. Almost like you're doing him a favor."

"And what exactly are you saying?" the younger alchemist hissed, "that Al would've been better off dead?"

"Somewhat." was the heartless reply, "Since the day you tried to bring your mother back, you can say that he did die. But, you kept his soul here in this world and let him suffer nine years not as a human. Stripped of what he deserved." Ed gritted his teeth, but remained silent.

Dark eyes looked tenderly at the fallen boy. "Ed, your brother was a wonderful person. Let him be in peace now." he whispered, gently.

There was a pause. Then, the small body on Roy's lap began to tremble, as Ed did not try to hold back his weeping.

"I'm sorry… I'm sorry… Sorry for everything, I'm so sorry…"

Roy reached down to wipe the flowing tears away with his thumb. The two of them met eye contact for a moment, before Ed buried his face into the General's shirt.

Gold.

His eyes were gold once more. Free of regrets, free of the despair of finding nothing. They were shining freely with the tears, yet they seemed shockingly peaceful. Roy put his arm around Ed's shoulder and let him cry.

The rain was still pouring steadily outside, yet now the pattering had lightened a bit and it was only a sprinkle. Roy rocked the two of them back and forth and it was tranquil. And soon, the trembling stopped.

"Ed…? Ed? Edward!"

And so, Roy wept his first tears as he gazed into the dead face of Edward Elric with a small smile. Those softly closed eyelids, still wet with tears, the brilliantly gold hair framing the deceased face, and those quiet lips opened in halted breath.

And Roy had never seen him more beautiful.

_****______********__****____****__****__********__****__****__My Nymphetamine girl_

_****______********__****____****__****__********__****__****__

* * *

_

A/N: My God, this was twenty pages more than I thought it'd be O.o but u know, I just started one day, and suddenly I realized it was six pages long and I was only a fourth into the song.

Yeah, I know it was confusing, but I still hope you enjoyed it anyways

format's probably screwy, but hey, fanfiction hates me


End file.
